SPEAK TO ME, THOUGH I AM UNWORTHY...MAKE ME YOURS

I have been wanting to blog again. But I have been uncertain of my emotions. Should I hate the person? Or expand my patience and understanding? I felt I was little down and the person causing it couldn't see it as I am wearing a mask whenever we meet. It's just so hard to express as it might sound really mean after all, nobody ever dictated to me that I should be that stupid for a person who remembered me only when my help was needed. 

I did not ask for anything in return. Uhm except for one or two little things, be real and talk to me when I also needed someone to talk to. No material things, just time. But the person doesn't talk to me unless a trouble came or the person needed something. Say what now? Always? 

And the moment I realised that, I find it hard to trust anyone. That the sole person I can trust is MYSELF when it comes to everything that I do, I feel, I observe and I see. I can feel God guiding me through and he is also helping me lengthen my patience so I won't burst out my anger infront of the person whom I am mad at but couldn't afford to stay mad even for a minute. 

On the other hand, I have also learned that I can be this patient. I can be this kind, and I can be that kind of friend. I am proud of myself also. I mean, not all friend can do that without complain. I have complained but just in time for me to quit my position because the kindness was overused and I was also taken for granted. The last part is the saddest. How could I be one of those people to be taken for granted when I had done so much for the person? That I must complain about. But that would stop there. 

I remain to be a friend, to keep mum and distance just a lil bit because, anyway I am not the main person to run to when the person needed someone to talk to, I was the person needed only when the person NEEDED something. Well, I used to be the one to talk to but I don't  know what made it to be the latter one. So confusing. And I was hurt. Yes. Then suddenly I learned and heard that I was being judge as someone I am not. That was the main reason. I was fooled, played and used and manipulated as it was my weakness to be someone's best friend. Is that how best friends are? In a way, but please never USE, FOOL, PLAY GAMES and TALK to their backs like "hey, I don't know why she's like that to me"... but uses the NICKNAME we invented when the need arises. That is USING.

#ATTHISPOINTIREMEMBERIWASUSED... PAUSE. DONE.

But I am okay now. I'm not with it. Back to being the regular me. Mindful of how people treat me.

I cannot imagine myself staying long in that kind of position in someone else's life. No! I am not a robot!

THIS SONG BY SARAH G. I DEDICATE TO THOSE I HAVE MISSED.

So, I apologized to those people whom I have not spoken to for a year because I was at work most of the time, hang out with workmates and thought I had the great best friend already. Sad to say when you think you found a lifelong friend, takes much of your time hanging out with that person, only to realize in the end that you're being laughed at, misjudged and misinterpreted. How I wish I spent it with those who aren't judgemental. But it's okay now. We're still friends still slightly best friends, but yes to being CLOSE FRIENDS, but I am still not the person to talk to. It's ok now taking away the though that the person is my best friend. I don't have one. But I have lots of close friends, that I also realised by the way. And it feels better that way.

I am not bitter. I say this once only.

But I must say, I was hurt. Just a lil bit.

Well that was because it as I who intended to overdo things. 

Now I have learned to say no when necessary and say yes, when it is indeed very much necessary ;-)