I took the time to browse through my journal, the physical journal, and I began writing again. I felt weird at first like I couldn't hold the pen properly because I haven't wrote stuff in there for a long time, or maybe because I had not got used to writing through a pen anymore unless if I wrote a number from our sales.

That was really awkward.

But as I was writing, I also felt the freedom to express. It's like an offline journal. Cos it is an offline journal. I have kept it for so long already. A journal which is almost a decade now and I am still writing on it every time I get the chance to, or when the urge of writing something that has been happening in my life occur.

I mentioned that it's been a long since I wrote there. It's true.

And when I flipped through my last entry, I figured that it was such a sad entry to begin with. 

It's about a break up that I experienced with a friend. We've been friends for 2 years but the impact seem to last a lifetime. I considered her actually as my little sister and a bestfriend. But things got a little rough and the friendship really made its bitter end. I sent her my last message via gmail and did not receive a reply so I guess, really, for the nth time. It's over between the two of us.

 

and im moving on.

My relationship with my family has been stronger also since I thought about not meeting new people so I won’t get any more friends, and so I can guard myself from getting hurt cos apparently no one understands me outside my house. The only person who understands me is my Mother and some cousins and/ or maybe my brother does. It’s given I think? haha And to me, they’re enough. My mother is enough as a company in anything. and my cousins and my brother, and some relatives i think. You know, you have those times when you search for who you are in people, and thought maybe they would understand you because you are on the same grade as they were, you’re workmates, you guys hang out a lot, but actually,. or sometimes, they don’t. It doesn’t apply/ or even happen to a lot of people. I’ve come to a point that I’ve stopped seeing people actually even the friends I’ve made. I just totally stopped seeing them especially when they don’t reach out to me, when it turns out that I was the only one trying to reach out to them- but when I did, they started doing it to me. They reached out to me more than they did before. I don’t know why? hahaha

I'm gonna talk about some websites/ app. I have a couple of accounts online. I got tumblr which is my visual diary http://mkmariakristina.tumblr.com

I got my twitter @ twitter.com/operariomk and instagram @ instagram.com/mkmariakristina. Well, I do have facebook which I think had 1,500 plus friends/ contacts but I trimmed it down to 68, that only includes my family and relatives. 68 People only. I got one friend who freaked out and got mad and blocked me off her account. But she wasn't a real friend. She really wasn't. Damn--- also my other friends were okay with my idea of just using the Messenger as our way of keeping in touch to each other. It's open for everyone. 

The reason behind why I decided to cut down contacts is simple.  I got tired of just lurking on timelines and not TALKING TO EACH OTHER. So, I decided to cut out people and leave my Messenger on. A CONVERSATION WITH A HUMAN BEING/ A FRIEND/ A FAMILY/ A RELATIVE/ OLD FRIEND/ STRANGER/ ANYONE  IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME. SO LET US JUST TALK ON MESSENGER OK?

There. I actually really just felt writing stuff. 

That's all for today ;-)